10 Things Your Man Really Wants in Bed

During your marriage there will be many things that rob the two of you of each other's attention -- work, hobbies, periods of intense navel-gazing -- but nothing will ever hit you with the intensity of parenthood. Where warm, fuzzy feelings used to reign now lives a persistent sense of being misunderstood, unheard and under appreciated, for somewhere in your minds is a tape that goes like this: "If you loved me, you would..." -- "give me more help with the house and kids" (that's your tape) -- "give me more sex" (that's his).

If you're so tired that you can't see straight, sex seems like just another chore. Your husband, meanwhile, feels that your attentions have been permanently reassigned to the children and that he's basically been abandoned. 

Stop! In the midst of the demands of parenthood, you must find a way to give -- and get -- the attention you both desperately need, so your desire for each other doesn't wither. You won't get anywhere until you both accept that you're overwhelmed. It may help to look at your expectations -- of yourselves and each other -- and ask, what's good enough for now? By asking that question whenever something in marriage disappoints you, you'll have a shot at being happy with the way things are rather than just wishing they were otherwise. 

On some issues he'll bend more. On others you will. With luck, your husband will make the stretch and reach out to you -- maybe by taking the kids for one whole Saturday or by truly stepping up to the chores. Then you'll have to throw him a bone. Will it feel forced sometimes? Yes. Will you be tired? Yes. Will it feel planned, controlled? Yes. Will you want to bag it because it's just too hard? Yes. But at least you'll have tried, and sometimes that's good enough.